When I was about 13 years old I vividly remember asking the Universe to for a life to stretch me, to challenge my hangups, to force my soul and beingness to grow and learn and evolve. The Universe heard me.
30th birthday present… stage 4 cancer. Boom.
Here I am, about to turn 42, a bit less plump and bouncy physically but oh so much wiser.
I can hear my 80 year old giggling at that statement. Regardless, here we go, immortal words of wisdom from one who is basically repeating what sages have known for aeons.
Spend the Amrit Vela with God. Wake up early (between 3-6) and meditate, do yoga, pray, and spend time being held by the Divine. Rest in God deliberately, with focus and intent.
We are born. We know we are part of God. We are eternal and loved and loving. Then, as Marianne says, “we have a childhood” and we enter into the reality of the ego.
The reality of not-enoughness, the reality that we are separate creatures from each other and God, the reality that we are striving with our fellow humans to collect pieces of paper, or zeros, or relationships to fulfill the chasm in our souls from our disconnection from the true Reality.
The true Reality. We are God, we are one, we are beloved, expansive, held, able to live every moment with Love in our thoughts, hands, hearts, and eyes. We are enough just the way we are and all we need to do is relax.
A few months ago I was talking about a woman who had died. “The worst part,” her closer friend shares with me, “is that her kids keep on asking me if I have a letter or a note from her for them - and I keep on having to say no.”
So here we go, my winter project, write letters to my children. Just in case. Why not?
Letters for their birthdays, letters when they graduate from college/run away from home/join a cult, letters when they get married. Letter when it is a random Tuesday in March 2042 to tell them I love them.
You never know in this life. Isn’t the idea of doing this now, in health, with facilities intact, without the cancer industrial complex breathing down my neck, make it seem more of a gift than a chore?
I think so. I feel so. I know so.
So, obviously, the evening of May 7 was really an experience beyond words. Initially, I was euphoric. Totally high, in love with the world, experiencing the gift of oneness and in awe of what happened.
As the experience lost its immediacy and tactile sharpness - I spent time mourning the shift. But then, the Universe did something amazing (not that I am surprised).
I started receiving nudges reinforcing what happened - during a yoga class, or a conversation, or in my A Course in Miracles (ACIM) reading. Nudges that strengthened what I had seen or learned or understood (again, words are hard).
Here are the nudges I received from ACIM over the last 6 weeks or so. Nudges that led me to share my story.
In the beginning there was the Word and the Word was a big bang. So here goes - my big bang.
May 7, 2018, my heart stopped. No heartbeat. Then, after a bit, it started again. That kicked off the evening where I merged with God and spoke and understood life from my God Self.
This is what I know. We are all the same. All is God. All is love. Beneath every … every moment is either fear that tightens the body or the invitation to relax into the Divine hug that awaits us all. God is waiting for us to relax into Him and see ourselves as one.
Yes, okay, backing up.*
Oh wow. Where to begin.
At the beginning there was the One. In order for the One to play and know itself it separated into Two. The two are the everything of life. Hot Cold. Dark Light. Fear Love. Despair Exultation. Water Fire. Air Earth. Rape Hugs. Torture Kindness. (so perhaps there are gradations of the Two, which is the One, my brain is grokking something that I felt with my soul.)