We are born. We know we are part of God. We are eternal and loved and loving. Then, as Marianne says, “we have a childhood” and we enter into the reality of the ego.
The reality of not-enoughness, the reality that we are separate creatures from each other and God, the reality that we are striving with our fellow humans to collect pieces of paper, or zeros, or relationships to fulfill the chasm in our souls from our disconnection from the true Reality.
The true Reality. We are God, we are one, we are beloved, expansive, held, able to live every moment with Love in our thoughts, hands, hearts, and eyes. We are enough just the way we are and all we need to do is relax.
About a week ago, it dawned on me the question “what the freak are you supposed to do as a parent to not break your children in such a way.” Then God told me to relax (which He always does) and ask Him for help during those moments of tension.
Now I am going to take a small side trip into Conscious Discipline. Dr. Bailey has a video where she talks about the vital importance of remaining as conscious as you can as a parent. She describes your brain, during those moments of stress, no longer functioning from the frontal cortex, but going back to the mid brain or the reptile brain. When the higher functioning shunts decisions back you “put in a CD-Rom” (love that she uses that term) from your childhood instead of being present and seeing the moment for what it is.
Recently I was on my hands and knees wiping down the floor after a meal. The Bean asked me to get her an ice cube. “I am not your servant!” was about to slip out when I paused, took a breath, and redirected myself.
The phrase, “I am not your servant”, is so clearly part of that CD-Rom. I barely say that word. It is for period dramas on television. My parents must have used it with me, and they probably had it used on them, aka a CD-Rom.
Which is where God comes in. ACIM calls Dr. Bailey’s CD-Roms shadows. Shadows that force you to repeat and continue the past because you are not allowing the present to be infused with Love/God. Instead you are just saying the script that you have inherited from before. It may not even be your before, it could be your parents before or their parents before.
Ultimately the two souls under my care for the moment for bathing and feeding and snuggling are here for their own learnings, their own life, their own lessons. I cannot possibility grok their path and therefore all that is left to me (as always) is to strive the best I can to bring love in always and push back against the ego’s shadows (or CD-Rom) of parenting.
Thoughts as I write letters to my smalls.