Thinking on A Course in Miracles Lesson 101

Cancer. For the last 11 years I have been asking... 

Why is this here? Why was it here? Why did it come back? Why did it go away? Why is it growing quickly/slowly/not at all?

What if it is something I am eating/have eaten/ate a long time ago that is festering in my bowel?

What if it is an unresolved spiritual lesson that I need to learn/haven't learned properly/don't yet know what questions to ask in order to learn?

What if it is an emotion that hasn't been properly expressed? Needs to be expressed?

What if this happened because I want to be seen/valued/honored/taken care of?

What if it is because I hate my life/hate myself/hate my family/etc?

What if it is because I am afraid of life/not living to my full potential/etc?

I have known intellectually that going down those particular rabbit holes are not productive. The flip side of those questions presuppose that on some level getting sick is/was my fault and continues to be if the emotional/spiritual/diet scab hasn't been properly cleansed.

I have been able to think my way out of feeding those what ifs - but it always been an exercise in thinking - not really in fully believing. 

Until yesterday.

I am doing A Course in Miracles workbook for the second time through and yesterday was lesson 101. I read through the lesson (see below) and burst into tears. I felt as though the other shoe finally dropped. I felt the truth that all forms of guilt (see above) are variations on the ego thinking that I need to be punished on some level because I thought sin is real. 

There is no sin. Cancer is not my fault. Sin as a transgression against divine law doesn't exist. Thank you ACIM!!!

_______________ Lesson 101 _______________

God's Will for me is perfect happiness.

Today we will continue with the theme of happiness. This is a key idea in understanding what salvation means. You still believe it asks for suffering as penance for your "sins." This is not so. Yet you must think it so while you believe that sin is real, and that God's Son can sin.

If sin is real, then punishment is just and cannot be escaped. Salvation thus cannot be purchased but through suffering. If sin is real, then happiness must be illusion, for they cannot both be true. The sinful warrant only death and pain, and it is this they ask for. For they know it waits for them, and it will seek them out and find them somewhere, sometime, in some form that evens the account they owe to God. They would escape Him in their fear. And yet He will pursue, and they can not escape.

If sin is real, salvation must be pain. Pain is the cost of sin, and suffering can never be escaped, if sin is real. Salvation must be feared, for it will kill, but slowly, taking everything away before it grants the welcome boon of death to victims who are little more than bones before salvation is appeased. Its wrath is boundless, merciless, but wholly just.

Who would seek out such savage punishment? Who would not flee salvation, and attempt in every way he can to drown the Voice which offers it to him? Why would he try to listen and accept Its offering? If sin is real, its offering is death, and meted out in cruel form to match the vicious wishes in which sin is born. If sin is real, salvation has become your bitter enemy, the curse of God upon you who have crucified His Son.

You need the practice periods today. The exercises teach sin is not real, and all that you believe must come from sin will never happen, for it has no cause. Accept Atonement with an open mind, which cherishes no lingering belief that you have made a devil of God's Son. There is no sin. We practice with this thought as often as we can today, because it is the basis for today's idea.

God's Will for you is perfect happiness because there is no sin, and suffering is causeless. Joy is just, and pain is but the sign you have misunderstood yourself. Fear not the Will of God. But turn to it in confidence that it will set you free from all the consequences sin has wrought in feverish imagination. Say:

God's Will for me is perfect happiness.
There is no sin; it has no consequence.

So should you start your practice periods, and then attempt again to find the joy these thoughts will introduce into your mind.

Give these five minutes gladly, to remove the heavy load you lay upon yourself with the insane belief that sin is real. Today escape from madness. You are set on freedom's road, and now today's idea brings wings to speed you on, and hope to go still faster to the waiting goal of peace. There is no sin. Remember this today, and tell yourself as often as you can:

God's Will for me is perfect happiness.
This is the truth, because there is no sin.