A dear friend of mine wrote to me over a year ago an email about my book - and I knew it was important. I would read it and think of what it meant and read it again. I wrote out her email onto two post it notes, now folded and wrinkled. Tape is frayed on the edges from where it used to attach onto my computer monitor. This is what she said to me: "Dear Corinna, Your book is very different from other cancer survivors. Young. Refused to say yes, etc. The acceptance of your U of M doctors as you groped. Unusual in many ways. When you write don't follow formula for these kinds of books. Many r terrific. But they are not for your audience or not as much. Be clear about what is different. This is your story. - C. 6/22/10"
So here I am, over 14 months later - trying to work with my great publicist found through Balboa Press to put together a succinct intriguing 150 word phrase to pull people in. I wrote over 80,000 words and I am distilling that down to 150.
Then I struck on this phrase - "this book shows the myriad ways her relationship to the world is transformed because she transforms how she looks at the world." Which is remarkably providential because my inspiring and luminary friend Kelvin Ringold of Intensely Positive started recently signing off his Vitamin K Â daily inspirational goodies with "Master your mindset and master your life."
Mastering my mindset takes work and awareness. It takes constantÂ vigilance! (thank you JK Rowling). It takes a sense of humor and it takes patience.
I began the process when I wrote my book, going through my old journals and rereading what I wrote at the time, it continued when I read Eckhart Tolle. It continues every day I catch myself thinking a thought that is not so nice, being angry with my body for not being able to do something that it used to be able to do well (or at least that I remember as being so).
Stupid chemotherapy, I used to do this so easily.
I caught myself yesterday as we rushed through 5 sun salutations as quickly as we could in yoga class.Â I stood there with my heart POUNDING in my chest, lungs burning, dizzy, eyes closed and my first thought was to hate - HATE - (a word of huge yuckiness) my body. Then my awareness caught up.
Corinna! I have lungs that can burn and a heart that can thump. I have a beautiful body that is working hard to do what I ask of it! Be grateful for the taste of iron in your blood - I am ALIVE!
Thank you world, I am alive.
I had a huge realization yesterday. The whole point of my book is to say that living is a Fear is a choice if one can recognize what it happening. Friday I am remindedÂ that Fear can be devious. For the past two weeks I have been feeling ookey about the idea of working with a real agent to have my book be out there into the world and to be marketed as a "cancer memoir" to have the world look at me as a "cancer patient". I felt reluctant to dive into telling the story in interviews because I was AFRAID (the word) that I would be attracting that energy back to me.
I had a conversation with a recent acquaintance on Friday and he complimented the quality of the book as an open hearted sharing of my experience. Two hours later, I felt as though I had lost a HUGE weight around my neck!
Of course I want to share it! The Universe will provide good people to help me, and why do I care what people look at me as? I know I am healthy and that is all that matters! I will not be attracting that kind of energy, I am in control of what kind of energy I send out there - it is under my control.
Yippie! Thank for your huge help Greg. Now I can thoroughly enjoy the prospect of diving down the road of a proper agent and a publisher - it is such a relief to be excited and feel full of magic and possibility again. Vunderbar.