I have been working on the last few months on surrender. Surrendering to what is in life and not pushing back, not wanting things to be different, trusting to the Universe there is a reason why things are happening - and this is the key - even when I don't see why. Surrendering to what is without saying whether it is good or bad - NOT LABELING IT! Surrendering to what is when my thighs are screaming in yoga. Surrendering to what is when an infertility doctor apologizes for the state of my ovaries - "All that chemo, really ran them through the ringer." Or being in a new town (again) and feeling the sense of sideways sharpness. Surrendering into that feeling of new places and new faces and not knowing where to find things and to know that things will get better.
So we have been moving forward with implanting our frozen embryos (that I wrote about in the book) and things were moving right along. Suddenly last night, I get a phone call from the doctor, he does not feel comfortable moving forward until and unless I get a recent scan and a bill of clear health from someone other than a MD in the Philippines who is testing my urine every few months.
Surrender, whoof. My pain body is loving this one.
Let's see if I can not name what is happening - not put a label as to whether this is good or bad - just surrendering to what is.
Time to watch some Eckhart Tolle to help me.