I have never taken a bath in melted chocolate, but I imagine that it is similar sensory experience to being in Ammaji’s presence. A warm soft bath of delicious love, saturating every pore of one’s being. Warm chocolate oozing between ones toes, warm against ones knees, I would dip my head down and take a lick of my arm. The smell! Could you imagine the smell of being enveloped in warm chocolate!! Talk about immersion.
The Bean and I drove down along the mighty Hudson to see Ammaji when she was in NYC before the 4th of July. Gentle motoring along the Taconic Parkway morphed into the darting in and out required on the West Side Highway. We see the white saris, white tee shirts, white trousers, white skirts coming from every direction to stand in line at the convention center.
Oh! The Line! I love the line to get a token for an Ammaji hug. Everyone is SO excited, filled with anticipation, kindness, love, and already with their Ammaji goggles on.
What are Ammaji goggles? They are the goggles that I strive to wear always, but I find it a lot easier to wear them when I am with Ammaji or John of God or attending a Kundalini event or … or in a place where my goggles find other goggles.
They are the goggles that say, “I am expecting synchronicities and miracles. I am here in this space for a reason. I am here to expand my beingness. Every interaction I have today is a gift from the Universe ~ a gift to spark a new line of thinking, to remind me of something, to hold me, to bring me joy and gratitude. Everyone here is a friend I haven’t met yet. Today I bounce and relax into the glory of the Universe.”
The Bean and I walked into the building to stand in line and BOOM! One set of friends found themselves next to each other in line even though they hadn’t coordinated finding each other.
Synchronistic BOOM! There was a loverly family that ran laps with us during the meditation time whose kiddos were just the Bean’s age.
Community BOOM! Everyone glowed when I asked for help to unhook or hook me into the backpack so the Bean could take a rest against my belly ~ like I was honoring them with my request.
Gratitude BOOM! During the opening meditation, I sat with the Bean and held her and felt my heart cracking open, breaking and shredding my chest into a puddle of love. Tears fell down onto her hair as I reveled in the glory of her life and my thankfulness for such.
Synchronistic BOOM! My lunch companion reminded me how much I admire Doctors without Borders and then we starting talking about the importance of the feminine.
(and this deserves it own paragraph)
Last August a dear friend began hosting a woman’s bonfire during the full moon. Every month wives, sisters, daughters, mothers, and aunts come together to share our hearts. A very primal and important part of me is nurtured during these evenings of heart sharing. This same part of me was piqued when my yoga studio decided to host a series of gatherings to read The Wild Feminine by Tami Kent.
The Wild Feminine, in addition to visualizations around the pelvic bowl and exercises around one’s female being, gives clear instructions on how to give oneself a vagina massage (holistic pelvic care) positing that the core of women is our pelvic bowl and that releasing the knots in the fascia allows energy to move. The pelvic bowl holds shame, anger, betrayal, fear, courage, and joy. It is the barometer and the source of female strength.
I am going down this rabbit hole both in spite of and because I am finding the whole discourse challenging. Last week, I spent 30 minutes crying, memories of anger and fear washing over me, as a holistic pelvic massage practitioner gently pressed on the knots in my vagina. (yes, there are people who do this for a living, and it is awesome)
As I learned in my Kundalini teacher training, the Aquarian Age is based on experiential understanding. I choose to honor the part of me nurtured by the attention to my pelvic bowl and women gatherings because I am experiencing its gravitas.
Besides Ammaji sent a messenger to highlight the experience. My lunchtime Ammaji companion brought up, totally unsolicited, the importance of bleeding in the soil as a way to honoring the earth and the key need for female energy at this time in our evolution.
Ammaji’s bhajans (devotional songs) are all about honoring the Divine Feminine. Honoring the mother. Honoring the nurturer. Honoring the hearth and the home and the pivotal importance of keeping the center.
This is exactly why I was attracted to see Ammaji oh so many moons ago ~ to have a female guru, to bath in that Divine Feminine energy. It is why I pierced my nose ~ to honor her and to show my devotion to this energy. Goddess Hestia was the least of the Olympians, and she tends the hearth, the home, she feeds the souls of her family and keeps the center.
Every day I read about insanity in this world. Our country and other countries are going through a nervous breakdown. I know that this is supposed to happen. I know that this will not last forever.
I am sending thoughts of warm chocolate love immersion to all of us on this planet now. Sending thoughts of the center, Hestia energy, Ammaji’s goggles, love.